We all have dreams, and they are wonderful. But.. what happens when you get them may surprise you. I have found, as a coach, that there are three scenarios that are quite unexpected that occur, and thought I would share them with you:
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1. CHAOS, TERROR AND CONFUSION.
I once had a client call me after receiving a lifetime achievement award from a very prestigious organization. LIFETIME. ACHIEVEMENT.
On the zoom, she cried: “what does it all mean? What am I supposed to do now?”
That certainly didn’t feel the way she had once dreamed it would. We had more work to do.
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2. IT’S NICE, but … NOT ENOUGH.
One of my favorite calls ever was with a client who had exited his start up. I asked, joyfully: “So, how rich are you?!” to which he replied: “not rich enough, coach.”
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It was not as funny as it may sound. We had more work to do.
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3. NOT ECSTASY….more like just a “that seems about right,” kind of feeling.
When I met Ryan, finally – KNEW I HAD MET THE ONE – I did not feel the same way I had felt with all those McRomances of my youth – the jitters, the yearning, the delirium. Nope. I just felt like, “oh: there he is. How lovely.”
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I knew then: I had no more work to do, at least not in this department.
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Here’s the lesson:
The desires we have, we have because we think they will make us happy. THIS is why the third outcome – which is the ideal outcome – eludes us – and the first two occur rather commonly. The problem is a fundamental MISUNDERSTANDING of what happiness IS.
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The state of being we call happy is often contingent upon getting something or someone, whether it’s the love of your life, the money, the job, the house, the car, the designer handbag, courtside tickets or something else, an award… which has you believe, too, that eventually the happiness will disappear and we will be left disappointed, frustrated, or yearning for the next shiny thing. This is actually NOT happiness, but HEDONIC PLEASURE. Fleeting. Worthless.
The secret sauce to a great life is not to aim for happiness – but rather, to aim for peace. Another word for it? Satisfaction. Another word? Acceptance. This is a state devoid of needing “more” – a clear emotion. When you find, and ultimately live, peace, you are in a satisfying state of contentment that is not dependent on anything or anyone.
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I recently chatted about this with my friend, Joe Hirsch, on his podcast, I WISH THEY KNEW. You may enjoy this 15 minute listen….and choose REAL happiness as your aim.
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Peace is a state that is willing to accept both your happiness and your lack of it at any given moment. It is unmessable with. It’s pretty useful. And in my experience, it’s the only thing that, once attained, we get to keep.
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Wishing you peace.
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– Coach Keren
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P.S. For more coaching tips, if you love these, subscribe to my YouTube Channel and the Coached Podcast. Enjoy!